This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize