I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
