I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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