i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
