A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
