Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
where are you?
Hypothermia
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize