So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
there is glitter all over my balls
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize