M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
