Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
