Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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