No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
