question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
