My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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