Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Found your dick twin last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
