No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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