this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
