and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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