Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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