you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize