i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
