im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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