Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
