I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
