I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize