She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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