just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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