very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
