Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
