Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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