Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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