She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
