Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
