my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
