I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
