you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
