he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
