you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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