YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
