i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
