a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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