Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
