Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
