my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
