Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
