She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
