That's when you crack a 10am beer
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
