Fuck appropriateness.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
