She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
