i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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