Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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