Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize