im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
