Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize