You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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