She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
