I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
