seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My breasts were aching with rage.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
