I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
