you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
