omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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