Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
