if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
