just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize