I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
