you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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