just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My liver just broke up with me...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
