She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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