The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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