i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
