i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
