Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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